And So The Nerves Begins...

So, here I am, five days away from Prague, and it's as if the universe is throwing everything in my path to complicate my depart. Duffel bag bought to be able to pack more? Turns out to be too big and really not much lighter than normal baggage. Airline canceling direct fight causing me to add four hours onto my trip? Done. Over $550 in excess baggage fees because I like my clothing too much and Europe likes to laugh in my face? Also done.

As I enjoy my last few days at home in Florida, I've been running around getting things assumed to be needed for my five months abroad. But I am slowly realizing, no amount of extra purchases or strategic packing is going to prepare me for what I will soon embark in. And that realistic fact that I have absolutely no control or vague idea of what my life will soon become is truly what is causing me to go borderline clinically insane.

Am I excited? Damn right I am. But I would be lying if I were to say I am not petrified. This is not the first time I have dropped everything I have ever known to go experience something completely new, but no amount of practice  or experience can ever prepare someone for a life change. I keep using all these materialistic obstacles, such as getting all desired clothing to my new home, as my real worries in going to Prague, but as transparent as a ghost the real obstacle in this experience is myself. I know that I will get out of this experience what I put into it, and that alone is a hard concept to grasp. Although I have worked very hard for the things I've wanted in my life, I feel like I've spent the past two years in New York City waiting for my life, the life I have always wanted, to just happen. And the truth is, it's not. And that is my New Years Resolution for 2011: To bring myself the life I have always wanted by starting to work for that life. And surprisingly, that life starts with Prague. The fact that if I want to travel while abroad I will have to be the one to schedule and plan it is a little daunting, because it brings truth to the idea that the older I get, the more in control I am of my life, thus if I want it, I need to go out and get it.

But I must confess, through all the crazy roller coaster rides my  emotions have been on in the past few weeks, nothing has been more helpful and supportive than my mother. So, thank you mommy, I love you so much, regardless of how many times I unfortunately raise my voice or say curse out of anger. You are the best mom in the world, and my stability and sanity is still semi intact because of you.

Peace & Love